just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
