I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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