She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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