The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
