I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i will never coherently bang her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
