I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
