Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
