i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
