just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
