We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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