Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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