if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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