I should be sponsored by Trojan
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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