so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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