I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
