Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How naked do you want me to be?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
