Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
