His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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