he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
