my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
