this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize