It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
