Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
