420 ftw
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
