Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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