she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
