I bet he comes in French.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
