I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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