Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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