she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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