Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
