Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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