I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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