The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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