you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize