She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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