no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
