Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
