NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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