i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
