I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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