Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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