Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize