its not stalking. its research.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
