just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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