i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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