I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will pee on everything he values.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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