Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
