I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
