i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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