Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
