I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
