Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
