After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
