Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
