you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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