Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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