ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize