I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
