ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
