What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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