Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
