We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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