Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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