im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
