you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
