respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
